i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
