apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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