I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
