first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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