Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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