I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
