I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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