Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
whose ass print is on the piano?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
