dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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