my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
