Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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