I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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