Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
