i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
