I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
