Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
