i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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