pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
