do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
