I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
