I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
