OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
