some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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