how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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