i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
