Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
