and she was petting her beer can
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
