I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
