fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
