I just cut my nipple shaving
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
