she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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