I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
