I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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