about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
