I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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