I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
