I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
