we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
