btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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