Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
