I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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