I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
