Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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