Soap is not a condiment
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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