Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
