my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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