I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
