Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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