dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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