i was born a porn star she said
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
