I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
