life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
