Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
