How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
