dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
